Today, February 17th has been a big day! Today I conquered a fear. One I didn't think I would be facing for quite some time. If it wasn't for my husband
practically dragging me I don't think I would have done it.
First, let me catch you up on where I've been on my journey to getting healthy since the last post. The week after I shared my first healthy post I accomplished some great things. I did two complete Jillian Michael's workouts which burn 500 calories each and run about 2-3 hours (for me). After the first I was so very proud! But the very next morning the self doubt sink in, hard. Even though I had just accomplished something so great I had already told myself I couldn't do it again.
I went into a funk. I barely worked out at all for the entire month of December. I stopped setting goals for myself. Even the little ones. I still counted calories and lost some weight but I wasn't in the right mind frame. The doubt I brought on myself was numbing. I can't even describe it. It was like I was 230 pounds again. Which I NEVER want to be again!
Thankfully around January 1st I found some bit of light at the end of the tunnel. We traded in our wii workout games we had been doing and purchased the Biggest Loser Challenge. I started the 12 week program which will wrap up early next month. I'm down 7 pounds since then. One to 3 a week plus an off week. You know, that week.
It's still a slow process but this isn't a sprint. Its a marathon. This is the rest of my life. I'm trying to find every day ways to be active. Clearing out our garden area. Chopping wood. Things I never did before.
Anyhow. I suffer from "Fat Girl Syndrome" I now fit into size 14 pants yet I still see what I have to lose. I'm pretty sure my husband hates it lol. It also doesn't help when your stomach is mostly skin and doesn't look so hot ( any tips on how to tighten that excess skin??) I'm still rambling!! Moving on...
Like any other girl I love the mall and now love to shop! But, there has always been one store I have wanted to shop at but never felt like I was invited into the club. Every time we'd pass by it I'd say "Next time. Next time, I'll conquer you." Well, today my husband made me do it. I'm absolutely grateful of course! I did it. I fought my fears of rejection, insecurity, and social anxiety and got the guts to walk into.....
Victoria's Secret
Sounds trivial enough but this has been my goal. They carry my size! I tried some stuff on! Even though looking at my stomach still makes me want to cringe most times my boobs will at least look great! I made my first purchase! This was my big goal, I wanted it so badly! I never knew I'd get it.
Moral of the story? Keep going. Keep fighting. Even if you don't feel like you are worth it, deserve it, want it badly enough, are beautiful enough, strong enough, keep going!
Nothing is too big or small to go after!
Don't every let anyone tell you otherwise!
I still hear: "Oh you'll never be that size." "You'll never be that small." "Your stomach has always been like that." "But look at all this you still have to lose." Does it hurt? Hell yea! But this isn't anyone else's journey! Eat healthy, be active, be strong, find some support and show them wrong!
I'll be in a bikini this summer. I may not be a model with washboard abs but I'm gonna do it!
Also, if you're having problems acknowledging your weight loss carry around what you've lost. Here's me attempting to carry 57 pounds in a backpack. Even my husband had difficulties :-/
And take lots of pictures! Even though you may not like what you see now you will wish you had something to compare to months from now. Here's a side shot of me taken last week. - Looks like a preggo shot lol! -
And here's my last bit of goodness from today. The seeds I planted on Valentines day have begun to sprout. I'm so very excited! Right now we have salad mix growing on the bottom. Some of the top ones are broccoli and the ones on the right are iceberg lettuce. If all else fails, grow what you want to eat this summer. Fingers crossed :-)
As always, I'm here for support to anyone who needs it or needs someone to vent to! Love you all! Thank YOU for the constant support and encouragement.
XOXO,
